#in between the original show ending
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Criminal Minds Evolution 17x02 - Contagion | 17x03 - Homesick
People use covert/spy techniques and Emily Prentiss immediately notices. Parts 1, 2, 3 (Don't con a conman -- don't use covert tactics around a former spy)
#criminal minds evolution#tv: criminal minds#cmedit#criminalmindsedit#emily prentiss#david rossi#tyler green#penelope garcia#tara lewis#rebecca wells#honestly at this point of her life#emily is a spy master#even though she hasn't done clandestine operations in years#(who knows what she was up to when she ran interpol#prentiss got a lot more comfortable living in her moral grays#when she returned after london)#also i think only a handful know emily used to be a spy#in between the original show ending#and cm evolution starting; it felt like paget brewster#became more comfortable with pretniss' power#there's a casualness to how prentiss moves and holds herself#i don't think her relaxed posture was there when she was unit chief in seasons 12-15#now in evolution prentiss standing behind her chair and leaning against it#and listening to tyler debriefing#felt casually powerful and wholly emily#i don't see hotch pulling this move or morgan#i think emily was uncomfortable being#her friends' boss for a large part of the time in seasons 12 -15#the times we see hints of evolution; post-london emily#is when she drew a line when the team spiraled
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need people to look at this tweet because oh my god, FINALLY someone said it
#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#levi's ted talks#one of DR's points is how it's a long game#it's what makes the show so interesting and fun to think about#it's not a question w/ an answer in the same season kind of deal the original franchise had– it gives questions to-#-both the characters *and* the audience. and not in a 'plot hole' way#there's so many questions that are yet to be discovered as the show goes on which leaves so much time for so many theories-#-to be made#and it just makes the show even funner to watch! like that person said– that's what helps to build interest *and* anticipation too#it's a reason why even during the skips between the release of seasons/parts the fandom still had so many questions and theories#and even alot of them were answered later on#and it leaves hope for the unanswered ones because DR is a long game with a secure end to the story
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Just some sibling interactions I long for in general with them with Jayce's big demon form that I had on paper from a while ago. Was when I was first settling his bigger form design.
The innate big brother urge: to be a menace.
#Daniel Spellbound#Jayce Chinda#Shakila Chinda#Bleeding Magic AU#monster#demon#transformation#size difference#giant tiny#he has a lot of videogames to catch up on in 5 years and she only had time to get better at them lol#she probably ends up kicking his ass#(they were done so dirty in the original show...)#also tell me you don't have siblings by saying you don't have siblings by using 'sis' and 'bro' in any serious context between characters
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as true as the jokes about “everyone wants to rewrite ninjago” are i feel like smthn people forget when complaining about the inconsistencies of the show is that…. it wasn’t planned? it’s not like most other animated shows lately - it didn’t start with a deeply fleshed out world or a meticulously designed pitch bible with grandiose plans for a long-term story or character arcs. the ninja don’t originally get their powers from heredity because they weren’t hereditary powers yet. the magic system doesn’t make sense bc they literally just made it up as they went! they go back and forth on stuff like whether non-elementals can learn spinjitzu bc it’s a collaborative piece of media made by people with vastly different levels of control over the story, the animation, the sets, etc. that varied over the course of the series. it’s totally understandable and exciting to see so many people reworking the early stuff with the lore and logic later seasons introduced but i personally feel that… if you’re doing that. you need to understand why the show is like that instead of writing it off as being bad and shitty. it was working with what it had. it’s only what it is now because of that awkward troubleshooting phase, not in spite of it
#ninjago#text✨#you’re 100% allowed to criticize the show but i keep seeing people complain about the inconsistencies about like. their parents giving them#their powers especially. like yeah cool that wasn’t a thing yet? they have different origins than the non-core elementals#because in the real world that idea hadn’t even crossed their minds yet! the original story was a more traditional fantasy narrative of#normal people rising to the occasion and *gaining* powers through their own feats. the fact that they changed it later doesn’t mean#it was necessarily bad to begin with or that it’s something that should be mocked#idk just. there’s a lot of hostility in some circles about this stuff and it makes me kinda sad. enjoy the complexity of production and how#series adapt over time. it’s part of why the show is so interesting to me#that essay i wrote had a whole bit juxtaposing the attitudes about technology in rebooted and prime empire and how they reflect greater#cultural trends between 2013 and 2021. it’s SUPER interesting and yet a lot of people only talk about it to make fun of how ‘bad’ it was :(#this isnt to say i don’t enjoy some of the retcons. the changes to their meetings with wu in s8 are genuinely really interesting! i love the#changes to cole’s backstory. i think his mom makes him in the early seasons even better! i’m just saying.. be respectful? nobody *tries* to#make a bad show. ages and ages of time and dedication were put into what ends up on your screens. it’s all human love and creation.#as goofy as it is#okay sry got all anthropology there but hm. been thinking about this for a while. apologies for being the local annoying early seasons fan
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Following the chilling conclusion of All That's Left's first season, Mac and Layla and their friends find themselves scattered across a divided Los Angeles a year after their successful return to town. Matrix Corp has taken control— "With humanity's best interest in mind"— but with our protagonists' knowledge of Opportunity's destruction and Houston's unexpected fall, they know better than to trust the corporation and its near military-sized security force. Closed district gates separate them from one another and a new threat lurks just outside the city's walls— but resistance is on the rise, and it is only a matter of time before truth comes out. [SEASON ONE HERE]
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @roseeway, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree;
@kanos, @swordcoasts, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf, @strafethesesinners
#all that's left#edit:misc#nuclearedits#OK HIII here is season two :D i hope you guys like ittt the playlist is very funky just like the one for season one heehee#reblogs encouraged btw!! i love reading your guys' thoughts on stuff like this especially my original stories :^)#the opening theme is so good it works so well. very similar to the first season opening with wouldn't it be nice#wide shot of los angeles from the sky with the closed districts and one district in ruins because they let ghouls in a year back#with the song playing in the background as the camera pans over to show how bad the situation is after like#a little text intro that explains what happened in season one and how they made it back to los angeles safely for their happy ending#but. well. now there's this! and then the title shows in the screen and the song continues playing while you get like#a sequence of random shots from what life inside town is like now that matrix corp has taken control. are you seeing my vision#anyway i have a lot to say about the whole playlist again like with the other one but i won't do that here right now#this season would be fun because it jumps around more between different guys whereas in season one it was all one group#now you get a lot more interesting perspectives and there's additions to the cast and gabriella gets her own storyline#because she's stuck in some neighborhood outside the city walls with like. HUNDREDS of ghouls in slumber#and there's no way for her to get out of there safely. but she's going to try anyway#obviously this is never gonna be an actual tv show but i wish it was. i really wish it was i have so many visuals for it in mind
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Poll Below
So, I saw someone say yesterday that "most people skim watch Chinese dramas", and that honestly blew my mind. If it has subtitles, I have to watch it and focus on it.
But then several thoughts occurred to me. You see, right now, my friend and I are watching The Longest Promise and The Screen Foxes. To us, The Longest Promise is painfully slow. We thought it was a little slower than most Chinese dramas, but most Chinese dramas are a little bit slow, and The Longest Promise actually feels much slower to us because we hate the main character and, like, half the story decisions so much, we thought. (Sorry, no offense to Longest Promise fans.) We thought that if we actually liked the main character and were invested in her story, the way the show dilly-dallied on every one of her scenes - having her say the same things over and over again, showing a dozen different angles on some magical moment in her life, having her express feelings about something that happened in a previous episode that she had made very clear at the time - would be enjoyable. Meanwhile, before we started The Screen Foxes, I read three different reviews that said the plot moved lightning-fast, bounced all over the place, and didn't make any sense. And ... none of that is true (so far). The plot moves at a normal pace. A thing happens, and then, something else happens as a consequence. There ARE several different interconnected story threads, and we do bounce back and forth between them, but it all makes sense. And last night, it hit me that maybe The Longest Promise is so slow because you're supposed to "skim watch" it. Certainly, if you dip in and out, you can follow the plot very easily. Scenes are long enough that it's hard to miss a whole one if you're checking back in frequently, repetitive enough that you can understand the point of the scene even if you miss three-quarters of it, and the same points are repeated in multiple scenes, so there are very few details you can miss even if you don't watch it too closely. (Plus, the plot is predictable enough that it's easy to follow.) Meanwhile, because The Screen Foxes doesn't dawdle on any points, if you're not actually sitting down and watching, it must seem chaotic and nonsensical. Why are they fighting this green monster now? Wasn't the show about painting a minute ago? The green monster is being used by a Taoist to body-guard a rich family. The Taoist is actually the one who made the family rich. Why? That's the mystery we need to find out. In the meantime, this family used its wealth to cheat in the painting contest from the last episode, so fighting their body guard is advancing that painting plotline too. But if you looked away from the screen during the two minutes where they were explaining all that, then yeah, it would be super confusing why this show just went from a painting contest to a demon fight.
If Chinese dramas are MEANT to be watched in the background, and that's the reason so many of them are so long and slow, then, honestly, my whole worldview has been changed.
So, TLDR: I have to know now: DO most people actually "skim watch" Chinese dramas????
#P.S. I will have more to say about The Screen Foxes when I finish it probably.#Also the fast-forward option is here because I saw someone say something about that in a post a few months ago.#Also having it on in the background would explain how my Chinese friend - who had a kid and a full-time job - could find time to watch mor#C-dramas than me. It just never crossed my mind because since I don't speak Chinese it would never occur to me to not sit down and focus on#the show.#poll#original#The Screen Foxes#The Longest Promise#The Untamed#Word of Honor#Till the End of the Moon#Love Between Fairy and Devil#Legend of Fei#The Oath of Love#<- Just some C-dramas I was thinking about as I typed all this.
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stories where you think they're going to be a tragedy right up until the end and then they're not are soooo sexy *glances over to see if the Arcane writers are listening*
#arcane#I have nothing original to say anymore about this show I'm just sad and hopeful#actually the funniest thing about it is that whenever I'm presented with a story where some characters may end badly I always start#fully negotiating mentally#like in my heart I'm going up to the writers like#I'll trade you literally everyone else for vi jinx and ekko#you want me to watch viktor's descent into madness sure I'll do that but you gotta give me at least one uninterrupted hug#between vi and jinx ok???#Cait might die? ok in return Ekko lives and does good
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On the verge of doing a deep dive compare and contrast between both Wicked and Evita being adapted for films because the parallels are RIGHT THERE. In this essay I will
#that same twenty year gap between the shows and the films though#STARTS WITH A DEATH ANNOUNCEMENT OF A MORALLY AMBIGUOUS PROTAGONIST#(i joke. the stage/film version of wicked really isn't even a little bit morally ambiguous#aaand the many many diplomatic negotiations with both Argentina and madonna about preserving Eva's image)#something something Glinda in the second half of Wicked channeling expensively dressed blonde political figurehead#literally the only two musical soundtracks i know inside out#but hilariously i imprinted on the film of Evita at an impressionable age and the show didn't get a west end revival for another decade#ironically that was 2006 when i also saw Wicked for the first time#more importantly the film of evita is based on the concept album rather than the show (and later productions use some film inspired changes)#and wicked the film moves even further away from the original book than the show does#i just have a lot of thoughts okay#and i really do have a terrible fondness for the heightened sepia nostalgia visuals of Evita it's a genuinely beautiful film#alan parker knows his shit#is it ~good~? i mean idk that that's quantifiable#i find it more watchable than the 2006 show revival#(also. also. Antonio Banderas. that is all.)#i think it uses screen space and the hinted at spaces beyond the stage much better than Wicked does in the film version#also? Evita is just allowed to be consistently snarky (because Che) and they kinda... stripped some of the snark from Wicked for the film.#i remain baffled by Choices.#(my new favourite Evita trivia is that both Meryl Streep and Michelle Pfeiffer were signed to star at various points and the CHOICES)
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https://www.tumblr.com/cancerian-woman/743951767695474688/it-would-be-nice-if-klope-had-as-many-scenes-and?source=share
yeah and I say this as someone who doesn’t even like Hayley, it’s weird that they barely mentioned her but emphasised her relationship with Klaus. Hope barely even knew Klaus, out of the two of her parents, she spent more time with Hayley, so the emphasis on her being “her father’s daughter” was always so weird to me. Like yeah, she’s the daughter of the OG hybrid, but Hayley was more of a parent to her than Klaus was.
people say that Phoebe Tonkin bought the rights to Hayley, but be so fucking fr. Why would she do that. Does she even have the money for that? Why would she do that, be fr. Julie just didn’t know what to do with Hope.
Wake it up lmao 😂.
Like I said in my tags. TO prioritized Hayley’s relationship and parenting with Hope. While never making those similar connections with the Mikaelson’s (besides Freya..). Now I’m not blaming Hayley or Freya but the writing.The writers bent over backwards to break TVDU’s rules and yet… Hope does not know her family well.
Klaus should’ve had time where he got to raise Hope. Do I think he would’ve made terrible choices? Yes. Should it still happened? Yeah. Klaus season 2 was at his best when it came to wanting to protect and love Hope tbh.
Phoebe did not buy the rights to Hayley. I think people were confused because Danielle said Phoebe did not consent for her images to be used. Julie and the other writers are petty like that. I assumed whatever issue they had it’s been resolved as Phoebe and Julie been at cons together. I believe Phoebe was supposed to make a guest appearance? Somebody correct me lol.
Hayley is a saint (yes she does fucked up and manipulative shit)next to Klaus. Everyone’s reasonings for being afraid of Hope was because of Klaus not Hayley. The writers didn’t know what to do with Hope and was just recycling former storylines. Hayley did deserve more credit though.
#Hayley Marshall#hope mikaelson#klaus mikaelson#this wasn’t an anti post but whatever lol#imma regret tagging this probably#the originals#legacies#Haylope#klaylope#klope#i do think the writers bounced between making Hayley a wannabe but less evil Katherine and this very good woman in a bad situation but lol.#but at the end of the day Hayley wasn’t the bad parent.#TO still should’ve been called the Hayley Marshall show and others but that’s another thing lol
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Having gone through the original Urusei Yatsura anime twice in full and currently nearing the end of my third rewatch (just going through the episodes I like this time... which is admittedly still most of it lol), I thought it'd be fun to put together a chart on how I'd personally categorize the evolution and different parts of the show.
This is by no means supposed to be an "objective and definitive" categorization or anything. I just wanted to list out in broad strokes how I see the show based on what I've observed and what I feel from it.
#urusei yatsura#Despite what I call “The Golden Era” taking place in the middle of the show's run & despite “The Slump” that happens after it I do think -#- that the collection of episodes surrounding what I consider to be the peak of the show are still great overall.#I also wanna say that I think it's a testament to the skill & hard work of the staff that despite having to split attention between the -#- show & 4 movies it only ever impacted the show twice resulting in those slumps -#- & even despite that they still managed to produce some good & even great episodes during those downturns.#I'm especially impressed by the slump in the back half since although I would consider it worse than the first one -#- they had so much more working against them and yet they still managed to put out good & great stuff and turned things around by the end.#Sorry for rambling but last thing in case anyone notices is that I didn't include the Inaba & Nagisa OVAs cause I don't really like them &-#- I originally had them in a trash bin in the image but I didn't want to be too mean spirited so I just left them out.#No judgment on anyone who likes those characters and OVAs! I'm just really not a fan of them at all.
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[Start ID. Two drawings of Hollow Knight OCs in the City of Tears. The first depicts Solper and Caramel, an owlfly and carpenter bee respectively, just before they duel in midair, from a vantage point behind Caramel's shoulder. They're a fair distance from the ground, which is composed of a scattering of large cobblestone islands, partially submerged by a dark sea. They both seem rather enthused, fighting for fun—Caramel has her mantis claw held out to the side and other fist raised, while Solper's sabre is poised beside his head, his other limbs akimbo. The entire drawing and particularly the background are indigo-toned, drenched and shining under perpetual rain.
The second shows Molini, Hawksbeard and Dandy, a millipede, grasshopper and a moth. Molini contentedly sits as the other two use her as a bench, circled around a fire as they've just finished boiling tea, the kettle is propped up on Dandy's nail and settled between two poles taken from Solper and Caramel's battleground. The background is dark enough to appear fully blank, though a handful of lumaflies and the light of a hidden central fire shine upon the three bugs. Hawksbeard is chatting, the others listen, all three holding cups from which pale steam rises in clouds. While the firelight is particularly bright, the tone of the drawing is warm, in both color and feeling. End ID]
March 30 was the first time I'd interacted with @hollypies (feat. their Dandy), and April 5th my earliest memory of @original-character-chaos (feat. his Solper). So I offer a two-weeks-late first-anniversary drawing to my mutuals :]
#peridots-art#hollow knight#bugs#hk ocs#caramel hk#solper hk#molini hk#hawksbeard hk#dandy hk#original-character-chaos#hollypies#peridots-ocs#others' ocs#that tag should've grammatically been others' ocs but okay. anyway on with the rambling#i have been working on these for THREE WEEKS but to be fair i was drowning in pain from a toothache that resulted in a root canal.#for like half of that time. and i work slowly anyway. so#with all the extra time I got this ended up being a good study in backgrounds and unfamiliar lighting and cohesivity though!!#not to stop anyone from noticing the giraffe weevil kettle but both that and the blanket hawks is sitting on are gifts from Caramel#while i've never been one to put many worldbuilding headcanons into anything i think willoh/the grimsteeds are from the same place as her#'gifts' is a bit inaccurate as it's communal between the trio but yknow. also i didn't show it here but the first two are definitely in#the bg of the second drawing somewhere just Conked Out. they just feel like the type who'd fight tirelessly and painfully just for funsies#it has been very hard not just blatantly telling both of the recipients here that Hey I'm Drawing You Something. but i enjoy surprises#anyway i know i had a lot to say here but i can't remember anything else so i think that sums it up. @ nox n holly: very sorry for#not planning ahead further but i can't believe it's been a year and you guys are awesome. so <333#edit: it is now others' not other's. fantastic. not sure if the two tagged here get notified when i edit the tags here but if they do see#i hope they have wonderful new years
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Justice is weak and empty.
One cannot win against villains with justice alone.
If merciless justice exists, I'm willing to yield to it.
Even villains long to live in a peaceful world.
However, since that's impossible, I've taken up a new hobby.
Getting rid of garbage.
If I don't do that, people will die, buried underneath the garbage.
There's one last thing I'd like to say from a villain's perspective.
Evil is prevalent and vehement.
- Vincenzo Cassano (Episode 20)
I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS SHOW.
If it hasn't been apparent enough, I adore this show. From the first episode to the last, everything works for me. The casting. The cinematography. The dialogues. The ost. Every single thing hits right. It includes almost all of the tropes I like. The humour is just right for me. And same goes for the dark scenes. I cannot coherently explain how much I love this show. And I've watched plenty of dramas but this will probably remain the best drama I've ever watched. I also love the parallels the show draws. And I also love that it didn't end the usual way and left Vin to be the amazing villain he is and HCY to be the badass lawyer she is. Hands down, the best drama I've ever watched.
AHHHHHH.
Vincenzo (2021) Part Four
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
#i would also like to make an honorary mention of the prison scene where sjk talks about his origin and gatto sazio#it was a brilliant brilliant scene and the best in my opinion#it is also hilarious to me that almost half the episodes ended with imminent danger or tragedy to vin and hcy#and it increased progressively more in the last half of the season#fighting for their lives day in and day out our chayenzo#i love this show so much#i'm also grateful that they gave us some lighter moments like hiding the gold bringing the quirky hcy back in between the darker moments#in the final episode#this show is going to consume my life for years to come and is going to be my go to show whenever i need a breather#i had stopped watching kdramas for two years and this fucking show dropped me right back into it#and my god sjk is a gem#and so is jyb#and the whole cast#ahhhhh this show makes me so happy#episode endings#vincenzo#song joong ki#vincenzo cassano#jeon yeo been#ok taecyeon#hong cha young#tvn vincenzo#chayenzo
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Alfred Burke puts on his best policing face as Parisian detective Inspector Maron, in Overseas Press Club - Exclusive!: The Billion Franc Mystery (1.6, ABPC, 1957)
#fave spotting#alfred burke#overseas press club exclusive!#the billion franc mystery#1957#classic tv#public eye#abpc#an obscure series‚ even by the standards of pre 1960s telly. OSPC was a coproduction between Ardleigh Films and Associated British Pathé#(they of the famous news reels‚ and themselves a subsidiary of Associated British Picture Corporation). a year or two later and this#would probably have been made in house by ABC themselves‚ but the franchise was only a year old at this point and still finding its feet#the concept is simple but promising: each week‚ a member of the Overseas Press Club of America (a real and still extant organisation) tells#a tale from their careers‚ an unusual instance or shocking event that makes for good tv. these tales are true! says the narrator in the#show's opening moments‚ and these ppl exist! frankly that's something i take with a large grain of salt; whilst some stories certainly have#direct factual origins (there's an episode about a catholic priest going undercover with a gang of street toughs which ends with footage of#the actual figure that inspired the ep) but others are highly questionable (the first‚ about a Norwegian resistance fighter who has plastic#surgery and takes the place of a relatively high ranking nazi officer; i feel like that's something that would be better known‚ yknow??)#this ep is about a nazi plot to destabilise the French franc just prior to ww2; quite believable and certainly the nazis did dabble in#producing counterfeit money‚ tho the examples i found online all relate to pound sterling or latterly the us dollar‚ not the franc)#our journalist of the week is played by Lee Patterson‚ a minor film star in british b movies at this point‚ with swooningly handsome Anton#Diffring (who had fled nazi persecution himself) as the villain. Alfie's part is pretty small‚ he's just the french cop keeping every one#in sight and letting events play out (cue some wonderful Alfie cheshire cat grins). Patterson (and maybe Diffring) got to fly out to actual#real Paris to film some location work and establishing shots (a benefit of making a series about the OSPC was that they arranged flights#for cast and crew). poor Alf didn't get a holiday tho; his scenes are conspicuously studio based‚ even when he's meant to be on the banks#of the Seine...#so yes‚ a fun little series‚ even if (so far) the wide scope of potential stories does seem to favour ww2 stuff. good luck finding a copy#tho; it took me months of trawling to find a reasonably priced 2nd hand copy (Amazon currently have a copy for £79.99 which.. for 2 discs#is kind of insane). a victim of the price gouging which seems to have affected some of the lesser known network titles since their#dissolution. sad times for the fan of painfully obscure old tv.. if I ever learn how to make things be on a computer‚ tho‚ I'll happily#share
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me: *does not stop complaining about the aos movies*
also me:
#LISTEN#it’s legit like some of my favorite casting choices ever#i cant help it#i can and will eat up any version that gives my man’s sulu a bigger role okay#even tho I do bitch about the unecessary Spock uhura romance the entire time#HES GAY#and so is she#and she’s too good for him anyways sorry not sorry#also the personality changes kinda make my eye twitch it’s by far the least of the crimes#spirk#like frankly it’s ridiculous how obvious the attempt was to squash all shipping stuff#with that weird romance#especially because it would have made more sense for Kirk and uhura given the ending of the original show#but they chose Spock deliberately#and yet the chemistry between pine and quinto was still too strong lmaooooo#Spock and Jim are just like that#you cant change the homoeroticism without completely ruining their dynamic#but boy they sure tried it!#star trek aos
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As the year comes to a close, let's all take a moment to appreciate 2023's greatest pranksters: whichever marketing people it was that decided that the show about a woman falling in love with the Moon Supreme would be called Love Between Fairy and Devil, and the show about a woman falling in love with the Devil God would be called Till the End of the Moon. -_-
#I watched Love Between Fairy and Devil in the spring not too long after it came out.#And Till the End of the Moon is my all-time FAVORITE Chinese show!#And I still get the titles mixed up. T_T#Till the End of the Moon#Love Between Fairy and Devil#Also I know that she fell in love with Tantai Jin not the Devil God I know you can make a distinction. But I'm not calling him the Devil#Fetus because that's just the least sexy thing ever.#original
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it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such
#if i say it enough i will remember it's true#can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today?#it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm:#so i've got that on in the back of my head#ugh#i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it#and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible#(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times)#i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also...#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all#they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads#like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation#and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general#like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to#i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either#like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as#an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault#i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone#because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another#i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them#through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction#and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all#so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it#every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too#like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that#and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too#and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part#i grew up in the group project everyone hates#and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me#i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers
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